Just when I was telling myself that I’m not bipolar. I’ve been relatively stable for some time now, gee, maybe I should think about going off the meds…
I notice that I’m up all night long again. Meds aren’t putting me to sleep. Moods are swinging hard and fast. I feel very grateful that I have a relatively minor disorder and that I’m not so far gone that I don’t recognize this for what it is. Or maybe I’ve just been burned one too many times and I’m finally taking it seriously. I’m not going to let it get out of control this time. This is usually this start of the crash and burn. I don’t have the fun mania’s that I hear about. I get goofy but it’s short lived. It quickly turns into irritable hypomania then into darkness.
Seroquel isn’t knocking me out. I could take more but Seroquel is a weight gainer. Always a trade off. Sanity or vanity, or diabetes or heart disease or tardive dyskinesia…Topamax is my mood stabilizer. Could increase that I suppose but could I get any dumber? Topamax has the nickname Dopamax because of its cognitive side effects. I have been getting more and more depressed, but delusional me wanted to deny that and go off meds. Antidepressants backfire on me. No relief there. Perhaps a lobotomy would work.
Enough of that. I just baked a batch of cookies. From the Cooks Illustrated Family Cookbook. Last week I baked their Snickerdoodle recipe and I must say it was delicious. I give it 3 thumbs up. Tonight, at midnight, I made the sugar cookie recipe. This one was not my favorite sugar cookie recipe. I give it a raspberry and 1/2 a knuckle. It called for all the yummy cookie ingredients, real butter, eggs, vanilla. Maybe my technique was off. I like my gramma’s better, but it feeds an army. Her’s calls for shortening and butter and is just divine.
So I think I’m going to knit my sister’s penis shaped lip balm cozies for Christmas, that is if I can muster up enough talent to do it. I’ve tried to knit my daughter a shawl with this yarn called Noro Kureyon. It looks like Margaret the Trash Heap. This yarn sucks. I read reviews about it, rave reviews. The colors are beautiful! Yarn is lovely, wonderful to work with. HAH! The yarn has little pieces of sticks in it. It’s spun so poorly that it’s like chunks of roving and then it goes to tight string like lengths of yarn. It’s wool, itchy, stick laden wool. I will never buy Noro Noro “>Kureyon again. I made a scarf out of Noro Silk Garden and I liked that stuff, not Kureyon. Now I have to frog Margaret the Trash Heap and figure out what to do with all that crappy yarn.
Posted by mielikkisrealm 